I had a dream that I was working for some big time CEO and we had to go live in Bangkok and that somehow we ended up at a bar together and my best friend was there taking bites out of some crazy spicy pepper and then taking shots…Yeah it was actually a really good dream. 

Oh I had another dream that my family moved to the desert and I was bored and my sister told me to go hang out with the guy I go to school with because he lived down the street. And that was very odd, because it was rather random. But I told him all about it in school today, but he already thought I was weird so it’s ok. 

Tumblr-verse I am currently reading Fifty Shades of Grey. Holy fuck. This book is ridiculous and so unrealistic and the plot is stupid. But I can’t seem to put it down. Books like these make me realize the vast amount of stupid girls we have around here and why women don’t come into power. The main character pisses me off so much. Probably because my personality is closer to Grey’s minus the kinky sex chamber part, and I prefer someone who isn’t submissive.

I am currently commenting on every part of the book as I read via twitter, because I am astonished by it all and I must say something about it all. I won’t say anything on here because I don’t want to spoil it, but twitter has all of my spoils. 

I can’t believe my mother recommended me to read this book, 

It’s a quarter till three now, and I’m going to bed so I can waste my Thursday watching movies all day in school. Woop woop. 

20 something days left until graduation!

I am a neurotic control freak who needs perfection. And still it isn’t enough. Am I the only one who feels like that everyone is flawless, perfect, have everything they could ever want and I’m just stuck trying to grasp on to the smallest fraction but always falling too short? 

When you first meet a person and in those first few moments it’s decided for you whether this person will be someone you call friend or not. Then once you decide, the next few weeks maybe months you learn more about this person, find out common interests, spend time with them and soon they’re forever stuck in your life. 

It’s very rare when we meet a person and are instantly drawn by them, captivated by them, shocked by the similarities shared between you and that person, allow conversation to flow freely, perfectly. And because life is a bitch she throws a curve ball at you, completely ruining everything you’ve got with that person, something so small but an instant deal breaker. 

There you’re left alone once again, now with something missing, something you never knew held a place. It seriously sucks. 

As the time on the clock progresses each day, you force yourself to forget; sometimes it comes easily and other times a bit harder. But eventually you do, and it gets better you and begin your search again for it all. Until that awful moment when you’re faced with that same captivating thing that attracted you in the first place. You remember everything quickly it all flushes right back to you and all that progress has washed away. It’s something very small that drags you back in; a memory, an image, something your eye’s just glance at. It’s captured you once again and now that it has you in it’s possession again it’s not going to let you go. 

Here comes the fight once again. 

I can’t believe you just did that, we have not had an actual conversation since last summer. You left, and that was that. No texts, no tweets, no facebooking whatevers, no nothings. And then you have the mind to call me up now, when that girl you’ve been seeing, yeah I know about that I have friends at that school too, leaves for her holiday, and ask if we can “hangout” no, no we cannot. Sorry but babe, I’ve made plans for this summer and they do not include you. Go take another girl out and have yourself a “wicked” time, because it’s not going to be me, not anymore. 

Maybe if you were a friend we could actually hang out, but you were just pretending to be nice so you could get what you wanted out of me and babe, I have no intention of giving you another taste of that. 

and that is the end of my rant. 

I’ve never wanted a boyfriend, they’ve always seemed like a waste of time to me. But prom season is here, and I’m not even going, but the whole seeing people get asked in all these elaborate ways is making me want something I don’t even want. I think I’d be happy if a guy gave me flowers, despite that I’d probably be in the ICU thirty min later. I’m insane, I’m aware of it. 

I haven’t been sober in 48 hours and I have a migraine. Welcome home Jessica, NoVA was quite a bore without you. 

To anyone with the will power to be in a long distance relationship, props to you mate. I can’t trust the people living in my home and to think you can trust someone living thousands of miles from you, is beyond me. I would probably turn into that psycho girlfriend who I make fun of daily if I were in that sort of a relationship. I can’t even fathom what I’d do if I were in that sort of situation. Like to like someone that much, to be willing to try to be in that relationship? If I had a puppy, I’d love him that much, but I can’t see myself loving a person that much to ever commit to them 100% and not see them on a regular basis. 

Just letting everyone know,